my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
