people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
