the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
