apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
