You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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