I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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