you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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