dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
