I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
