Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
this will be a night to untag.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
