I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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