at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
