I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You were trust falling into bushes
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
