she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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