guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
