I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We left an ass print on the piano.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
