Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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