Duck Duck Cougar?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
