I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
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your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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