That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
