I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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