Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
