just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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