I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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