i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
