she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
