I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
