You just made me feel so damn special
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
