i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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