I wish i was in the wii world.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
