No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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