So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
