Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
