Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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