So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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