So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize