We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
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So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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