that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
