just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
