I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize