Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize