Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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