Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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