I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
