I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
