I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
