we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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