The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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