On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
