..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
