his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
