Don't you send me to vm
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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