that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
