The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS