My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...