Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush