Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.

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(313): View more from Michigan

Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog

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If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Read it at the TFLN blog
(562): View more from California

I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.

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(712): View more from Iowa

I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.

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(757): View more from Virginia

He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!

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