my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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