I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY