Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!