There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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