i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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