Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
