I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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