im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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