the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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