Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
