the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
