you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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