so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
