A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
