Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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